Sex therapy is not quite as elicit and R-rated as many think and is definitely not as uncomfortable and awkward as many fear. Sex therapy is when you as an individual or as a couple chats to a professional about any psychological, medical, personal or biological issues that may be impacting your sex life. You may also wish to talk to a sex therapist to gain general insight and helpful advice in regards to your sex life. But whatever the reason, a sex therapist will help you reach a much deeper understanding and broaden your horizon in regards to sex.
What a Sex Therapist Can Help You With
These are some of the things a sex therapist is professionally trained to be able to help with:
Mythbusting archaic beliefs and stereotypes
Over the years we have been indoctrinated by quite a lot of false narratives regarding sex that have impacted many individuals negatively. Things such as “bigger is better” when it comes to a man’s penis or that a woman reaches climax only via penetrative sex. These and many more will be addressed and disproven with real facts during your sex therapy session and are incredibly freeing.
Getting you comfortable
Are you still one of those people who get a little blush on those cheeks when someone brings up sex in conversation? Does it somehow still feel like a taboo subject in company or, even worse, in the bedroom? Well, you’re not alone. We have been raised to air on the conservative side when it comes to sex and that’s why it’ll take time to truly become comfortable with the subject. There is no better way to do that than in a safe environment with a trusted professional during a sex therapy session.
Untangling psychological blockages
Many have experienced difficulties during sexual encounters – from women fearing they’ve entered early menopause to men who believe they are completely impotent. But once they’ve sought medical help, they discover that there is nothing biologically or medically wrong with them. This can be both a relief and a concern.
“If it’s not physical, what is wrong with me?” And “can I be fixed?” We grossly underestimate the impact our psychological well-being has on us physically. Past experiences can be triggering and stress can get the better of us. Whatever the psychological reason getting in the way of your pleasure – a sex therapist will be able to identify it and help you overcome the blockages.
A Libido Mismatch
There are many couples that simply doesn’t seem to align when it comes to their individual libidos. The one wants it more while the other wants it less. These are very unfortunate circumstances since there is nothing necessarily wrong with either levels of desire. This can lead to a range of emotions between partners such as frustration, anxiety, guilt etc. A sex therapist will be able to help bring each other in alignment.
Broadening your horizons
You might be one of the lucky couples who have a great sex life and the only reason for seeking out a sex therapist is to make it even better. Learn a few nifty techniques, some new positions, bring in a kink, anything to broaden your sexual horizons.
Assisting new LGBTQ community members
When one becomes aware of “being different”, the desires might evoke confusing emotions and possible sexual encounters are a daunting thought. Sex therapy will help you navigate your way on this newly discovered sexual journey.
Boosting your sexual self-confidence
Because we so rarely talk openly and honestly about sex, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to learn what your partner thinks about you and some of the things you get up to in the bedroom when they feel like they are in a safe and objective space to share their thoughts and feelings. You might also have felt a little inept in the department, whether it’s due to a lack of experience or a lack of knowledge. By giving you the tools and resources you need, you’ll feel much more competent and self-confident.
Navigating a sexual relationship where one or both of you are in the adult entertainment world
We live in a world where you no longer need to be a stripper, escort or porn star to make money off your sexuality. Everyday Joe and Jane can now open an OnlyFans, Unfiltered etc. account. These relationships can become quite tricky when the lines start blurring between what is accessible to the public and what is kept private. Sex therapy can help you navigate these tricky relationship waters.
Teaching you about you
It is almost unbelievable once you realise how little people actually know about their nether regions. Mention an anatomical name and you are mostly met by blank stares. That’s another reason why sex therapy is so rewarding for all involved. It is an opportunity to educate and get more intimately acquainted with yourself. You might discover a few things about yourself you didn’t know and didn’t know you like.
Addressing compatibility issues
Very often, mindblowing sex is just around the corner for many frustrated couples. We regularly hear that “it’s just not working for me”. In most of these cases it’s not a couple problem, but a compatibility problem. And the good news is that these issues can be solved. Maybe it’s that one needs a lot more foreplay before the actual act or another might have a specific turn-on the other isn’t aware of. Sex therapy will uncover it all and ensure that you are on the same sex page.
Helping a Couple Move Past Trauma
The sad reality is that a lot of people (male and female) have experienced sexual abuse which includes rape, molestation, etc. These past traumas really do come to haunt you in the bedroom. Sex therapy helps couples who are dealing with traumas such as this to understand the impact it has had and how to manage these past events so they can have pleasurable sexual experiences in future. In these cases, it’s crucial to have an understanding partner and to be open to the recommendations from a professional.
Signs That it’s Time to Reach Out
As we already mentioned, there doesn’t necessarily have to be a sexual crisis for you to benefit from sex therapy, but if you spot any of the following, it’s time to book an appointment:
- You are bored with your sex life.
- You are finding it painful or you’re just having overall difficulty when it comes to intercourse. It’s important to note here that we are not referring to extreme physical pain that needs medical attention and intervention. The pain we are referring to here is more uncomfortable than downright excruciating.
- You have stopped having sex entirely.
- The topic of sex is being brought up more often during arguments.
- When you struggle to get aroused or reach orgasm.
- You’re feeling like there are certain parts of your sexuality you can’t explore with your partner.
- You have questions regarding your sexual orientation.
- You feel burdened by sexual shame or a conservative upbringing.
Why People Don’t Reach Out
There are many reasons why people don’t want to reach out when their sexual relationship doesn’t meet expectations. Some of these include:
- They are feeling embarrassed – about the topic of sex in general, their specific desires or the fact that they have unfulfilled sex lives compared to others.
- A lack of funds since professional help can be expensive, especially if you don’t have any health insurance.
- Where they’re based. Some may find themselves in areas where there are no therapists nearby or they may live in such remote areas that it’s a mission just to get groceries, never mind a therapist.
- A lack of time or clashing schedules. Many simply don’t have the time to drive all the way to a practice that’s only open within office hours and to try and sync three people’s calendars from all over town to make this happen almost seems impossible.
- They are suppressing traumatic events/memories and don’t want to address them.
- They fear that problems in their sex life might mean the end of their relationship.
The Benefits of Online Sex Therapy
This is where online sex therapy can be incredibly helpful. Except for having all the benefits of any other psychology practice, it has added benefits that address many of the reasons why people don’t want to reach out in the first place. These include:
- A sex therapist is an objective professional and your session is a safe and judgement-free space.
- Since online therapy avoids a lot of in-office overheads and there’s no travel involved it’s much more affordable.
- It doesn’t matter where in the world you are, a professional therapist is just one click away.
- Online sessions are much more convenient. You can now squeeze these into your everyday life as and when it suits you, wherever you are.
- You can start working through past trauma and start processing the emotions attached to them so it no longer interferes with your daily functioning.
- You become more open with each other once you realise sexual problems usually have solutions and don’t need to be the end of your relationship.
- You will gain a deeper understanding of yourself, your partner and your sexual preferences.
- You will feel a shift from hopelessness to empowerment once you realise that you are not the first couple to experience these issues and there are solutions.
- Communication skills will improve – both in and out of the bedroom.
- Intimacy will increase.
- Past hurts will finally be addressed and healed.
- You will have much more realistic expectations and ideas in regards to sex.
- You will learn (and try?) new things.
Finding the Right Fit
It is extremely important that you find the professional that’s the right fit for you based on both your personalities and situation, and we are more than happy to assist wherever we can. So, if you are currently wanting to reach out or have come to the realisation that you probably should, please don’t hesitate to contact us via our website or at info@pervanpsychology.com or simply complete the contact form below and we’ll get in touch shortly.